i am here now,
and you don’t have to worry
about the sadness crawling beneath your skin
or the monsters inside your head
or under your bed
i am here now
and i will never leave your side
i am here now,
to kiss all your fears and worries aside
to embrace your cold and weary heart
and to remind you
that our love is really true
that forever really lasts forever
that it is you and me
until the end.
All I see is where our days repeat
And our love goes on
As our hair grows long.
2 notes (44 plays), February 20, 2014
I wasn’t able to sleep well last night, so I went to bed again after having breakfast. You took a bath and I didn’t know what happened next, as I easily dozed off again. You were back after almost an hour, kissing me and bugging me and telling me that it’s my turn to bathe. I requested for five more minutes, and this was what you did to me. :)
Isa ‘yun siguro sa pinakamalungkot na araw ko sa office. Hindi ko alam, pero pakiramdam ko, sobrang palpak ko. Yung pakiramdam na wala ka nang ginawang tama. At kung meron man, parang natabunan na lahat ng yun dahil lang sa kapalpakan ko. Ayun. Basta. Sobrang badtrip. Pero ayun na nga. You came to save the day! Ang usapan natin, pupunta ako sa inyo (kasi Friday yun), pero nagulat na lang ako na nasa baba ka na pala ng office. May dala-dala ka pang brown na paper bag na may nakadrawing na kung ano, at yung laman, tatlong cupcakes na may nakasulat na Happy Valentines Day. Sobrang advanced naman yata, pero aangal pa ba ako? Ang sweet kaya (nung cupcakes)! Hahaha. Pero seryoso, ang sweet-sweet nun. Sobra.
Dapat magkikita tayo at pupuntahan kita, kaso sa sakit ng ulo ko, at sa mga ibang kadahilanan na din, sinabi mong ikaw na lang ang pupunta at sa bahay na lang tayo uuwi. Siyempre mas gusto ko ‘yun. Ang tagal mo na rin kayang hindi pumupunta sa bahay. Kaso medyo palpak na naman ako. Nauna ka sa waiting shed sa tapat ng office namin, at feeling mo hindi ako excited na makita ka. Noong nasa bus na tayo, medyo hindi pa rin tayo ok, pero magkahawak pa rin tayo ng kamay. Tapos bigla ka na lang may kinuha sa bag mo at inabot sakin — chocolate pala. Alam mo kasing mahilig ako sa matatamis. Siyempre, binigay ko na rin ‘yung regalo ko. Akala mo ikaw lang meron no? Simple nga lang ‘yun pero sobrang pinaghirapan ko ‘yun. Natuwa naman ako at napangiti ka ng wagas sa regalo ko (kahit alam kong pinipigil mo lang kasi nagtatampo ka pa rin sakin).
Sa inyo ako umuwi ng gabing ‘yun. Siyempre Fridate, at Valentines parin. Pinagluto mo ako ng pasta at binigyan ng coke. Alam na alam mo talaga ang mga gusto ko. Pagkatapos kumain, pumunta na tayo sa kwarto mo para matulog. Akala ko tapos na ‘yung mga pakulo mo kasi nagpatay na tayo ng ilaw, pero meron pa pala. ‘Yung una mong nilabas na regalo, tatlong picture na magkasama tayo. Yung unang picture, sobrang favorite ko talaga ‘yun kasi yun yata ‘yung unang matinong picture natin. Tapos ‘yung isang picture din na sobrang cute na naka-kiss ka sakin. Hahaha. Ang keso pero sobrang nakakakilig yun. Tapos may naramdaman akong matigas sa ilalim ng unan ko. Tinanong kita kung ano yun pero sabi mo, reviewer mo lang. Hindi na ako nagpumilit. Tapos sabi mo, pakuha nung paper bag sa ilalim ng kama mo. Akala ko kung anong laman nun, yun pala, isang jar na malaki na pinuno mo ng pagmamahal, este ng mga chocolates! May binigay ka pang headset, kasi alam mong sobrang bilis kong makasira ng headset ko. Last na binigay mo, yung librong SEPTEMBER. ‘Yun pala yung matigas sa ilalim ng unan ko. ‘Yun yung pinaka-favorite ko sa lahat ng binigay mo. Alam mo na kung bakit. Sino ba naman ang hindi matutuwa kapag binigyan ka ng libro na hindi lang para sa’yo, kundi tungkol sa’yo. Sobrang nakakataba ng puso. Sobrang ramdam ko ‘yung effort at pagmamahal na binuhos mo para dito.
Nagkatampuhan na naman tayo kasi hindi kita nasundo. E kasi naman, nakatulog ako sa sobrang puyat ng nakaraang araw, tapos ang aga pa natin gumising ng umaga. Hinintay kita sa Recto station, habang binabasa ‘yung libro na binigay mo sakin. Bibilhan na sana kita noon ng donut kaso dumating ka na agad. Nawala na ‘yung surprise kaya hindi ko na tinuloy. Ayun, naglakad tayo at hinanap ‘yung restaurant na matagal na nating planong kainan. Medyo nagkamali-mali pa tayo sa directions pero ayos lang, kasama naman kita. Inabutan tayo ng sunset sa may Roxas Blvd, kaya sinabi ko na tumambay muna tayo doon saglit. Ang ganda niyang panoorin, sobra. Pareho tayong mahilig sa sunset, kaya sobra akong natutuwa kapag nakakapanood noon kasama ka. Naalala mo bigla na ngayon din pala yung Pyrolympics sa MoA, at napagkasunduan nating pumunta doon pagkatapos nating kumain. Nakarating tayo sa restaurant ng pasado alas-7 na. Maganda naman ‘yung lugar at mukhang natuwa ka naman. Sabi mo pa nga, sana hindi ako mapagod o magsawa na i-date ka palagi. Siyempre naman, ikaw pa! Pagkatapos nating kumain, naglakad na ulit tayo pabalik sa Roxas Blvd at saktong may fireworks display na. Doon na lang natin napagpasyahang manood, tutal, maganda rin naman ang view. Ang mahalaga, magkasama tayong manonood. Napansin kong sobrang mangha ka sa fireworks, di mo nga namalayan na nakatingin lang ako sayo at kinakausap kita. Pero ayos lang, ang sarap mong panoorin e. Sulit na sulit yung gabing ‘yun — sunset, dinner date, fireworks display, at ikaw.
Basta, maraming maraming salamat sa lahat. Alam ko namang sweet ka at mahal na mahal mo ako, Valentine’s Day man o hindi. At siyempre, mahal na mahal din kita. :))
5 notes (130 plays), January 14, 2014
Someone once told me that saying I love you is something that we shouldn’t do or say very often, because the more we say it, the more it loses its meaning. I must have believed that person then, because after that, I tried to limit the number of times I would say those words, or never said them at all, even though I wanted to.
But you proved that wrong. We proved that wrong. We say ‘I love you’ every now and then — whenever we see each other, and even more often when we don’t, every time we send text messages, when we say thank you or sorry, when we miss each other, when we kiss, and especially before we sleep — basically all of the time, and we never get tired of it.
I will never get tired of saying ‘I love you’.
Last night, when you called me to say good night, I heard you typing on your phone on the other end. It took quite some time, and I thought you were just typing something to bid good night, or something to post on your status. I listened and waited, hoping it was for me.
And it wasn’t.
Last night, while we were about to sleep, you said you would teach me how to count in German. It was funny because I don’t think I even know a single word in German, and I never thought learning another language (or learning how to count in another language) would be a fun thing to do in bed. But you were very insistent. I told you I am not a fast learner, and I easily forget things, but you were still very patient.
We started counting, and I would usually forget ‘eins’ which means ‘one’ because I would keep on thinking about the word ‘uno' in Spanish. After a few more tries, you made me recite 0 to 10, and I finally got it right. You rewarded me with a kiss afterwards, and said, 'Ich liebe dich.’
2 notes (126 plays), January 8, 2014
I want to be enough. I want to be able to comfort you whenever you would feel depressed, alone, or afraid. I want to be able to make you feel that I am here, and will always be here for you, no matter what. I want to be able to give you the reassurance that you need, and make you realize that you are worthy, that you are special, that you are loved.
I wish I could be good enough for you. I wish I know what to say, or what to do, at the right time, or in the right way. I wish I could take away all the doubts, or the fears, or whatever that bugs you at night, or in times when you’re alone and you feel that no one wants to listen. I wish I could be there every time you need someone, and every time that happens, I wish it is me you really need.
I want to be enough. I wish I could be good enough.
I know this post is a bit late, but it’s better late than never, right? I just want to thank everyone who had been a part of that awesome year. I think last year was the best year of my life so far. I was able to meet a lot of new people, and most of them stayed and became really good friends of mine. I was also able to go to a lot of different places, and do things I have always wanted to but never had the courage and the gut to do so. Lastly, I was able to do something for others, which I am totally grateful and proud at the same time.
So again, thank you for the past year, and cheers to another year! Let’s hope that this year will be better — more friends to meet, more places to go to, and more people to help and inspire.
i. I hate the fact that I easily get misunderstood — whether it’s because of my actions, or my words, the way I text or the way I act — everything just always gets misinterpreted, and mostly in the worst way possible. I don’t know if it is my fault. Maybe it is, for those were my words, my actions, and I should have been more responsible of them.
ii. I am not the type of person to plead for forgiveness, nor for time and attention. I am too proud most of the time, and I have always thought that I can manage on my own. I did and I have managed to for how many years. But when it comes to you, I lose all my pride. I always give in, I always admit that it is my fault. Maybe, it has been or it is, always my fault.
iii. I don’t want you to pity me. I am saying things because those were how I feel, or felt, and because I mean them. Again, I don’t want you to pity me. I just want you to understand.
I am feeling really sad right now, like a lot of things are happening at the same time — things that should or shouldn’t be happening. I don’t know. It is like life is pulling a prank on me and bursting my bubble because I have become too complacent, and that I thought nothing can go wrong this time. Maybe I just have to be reminded that shit do happen and one can’t have everything. I want to cry because I can see some changes right before my eyes but I can’t do anything about it since change is inevitable and maybe that’s just how things are supposed to be eventually. I feel so useless because I have a lot of things to do, yet, here I am, just staring right through my computer, thinking about anything and everything and typing and mumbling things and I don’t know whether they still make sense or not.
Fuck. Maybe I just need a booze tonight.
I don’t know why, but I am feeling like a total failure today. Yeah, I know some things were not my fault, but why do I still get the blame for them? I hate getting reprimanded that’s why I always do my best in everything I do, but why is it not enough? Why do I still mess on some important things and why do I keep on forgetting things I should be remembering?
Why am I a failure?